Thursday May 16, 2013
Dear God:
I want to thank you for making me. It's a miracle that a perfect God can make something as flawed as I am. And as flawed as humanity is, for that matter. I want to thank you for giving me this crippling depression, the shitty up bringing, the rape by my own brother, the fucked up family life, and the suicidal tendencies. Thanks for making failure my touchstone. After all, after years of working 100 hour weeks to build a business, who shouldn't expect their business partner to get drunk, assault someone and wind up on the front page of the local paper - in his fucking company shirt? No surprise that business in our little town dried up afterwards, is it? Thanks for making me an apparently easy mark. It's fantastic that in my life I've never made a major purchase that didn't result in misery - including the fucking house that is currently falling into a hole in the ground. Listen: I've heard that I should be thankful for You. I heard it all my life and lived it. Throughout the violent, abusive upbringing. Throughout the laughing, abuse, and torture by other children. Throughout the rape (there it is again) by my own drug-addled brother. Throughout failure after failure. I'm 21 years old and I honestly, truthfully feel that the BEST thing I can do for the world is eat a bullet. The wife (who, as you know is very sick) and kids (one of whom, as you know, was blessed with mental retardation and the other of whom, as you know, tried to kill himself) are the only thing keeping me from doing it. That's pretty fucking pathetic when you think about it. So thank you. And excuse me for asking, but do you think that instead of a trial, tribulation, or physical or metaphorical ass-raping by seemingly everyone I meet - could you just leave me the fuck alone? Please? I'm not tasking you to tilt the odds in my favor, just stop tilting them against me. Please?
Sincery,
A
Dear God:
I want to thank you for making me. It's a miracle that a perfect God can make something as flawed as I am. And as flawed as humanity is, for that matter. I want to thank you for giving me this crippling depression, the shitty up bringing, the rape by my own brother, the fucked up family life, and the suicidal tendencies. Thanks for making failure my touchstone. After all, after years of working 100 hour weeks to build a business, who shouldn't expect their business partner to get drunk, assault someone and wind up on the front page of the local paper - in his fucking company shirt? No surprise that business in our little town dried up afterwards, is it? Thanks for making me an apparently easy mark. It's fantastic that in my life I've never made a major purchase that didn't result in misery - including the fucking house that is currently falling into a hole in the ground. Listen: I've heard that I should be thankful for You. I heard it all my life and lived it. Throughout the violent, abusive upbringing. Throughout the laughing, abuse, and torture by other children. Throughout the rape (there it is again) by my own drug-addled brother. Throughout failure after failure. I'm 21 years old and I honestly, truthfully feel that the BEST thing I can do for the world is eat a bullet. The wife (who, as you know is very sick) and kids (one of whom, as you know, was blessed with mental retardation and the other of whom, as you know, tried to kill himself) are the only thing keeping me from doing it. That's pretty fucking pathetic when you think about it. So thank you. And excuse me for asking, but do you think that instead of a trial, tribulation, or physical or metaphorical ass-raping by seemingly everyone I meet - could you just leave me the fuck alone? Please? I'm not tasking you to tilt the odds in my favor, just stop tilting them against me. Please?
Sincery,
A
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